BS"D
N.B. This was mostly written before Simchat Torah – I ended up rewriting the conclusion.
For the z'chut of those we have lost, those we have found, those still missing, and the chayalim fighting for us all.
Sometimes, the Torah includes ‘minor’ figures
who we think we know well - but on closer inspection, there's a lot more behind
the scenes. One such figure is Avraham's servant Eliezer, sometimes
referred to as 'Eliezer of Damascus' (although even this isn't clear!).
We all know Eliezer is the servant who
travelled to Avraham's family, met Rivka at the well and fetched her to be
Yitzhak's wife. Right?
But how do we know it was Eliezer – he isn’t
even named?! Oh, and did you know he secretly wanted to sabotage the whole trip
to make a shidduch between his own daughter and Yitzhak?[i] Finally
– how relevant is Eliezer’s internal struggle for us today?
Let's take a look.
Who is Eliezer?
Bereishit 15:1-4 (Parshat Lech Lecha)
אַחַר הַדְּבָרִים הָאֵלֶּה הָיָה דְבַר־יְהֹוָה אֶל־אַבְרָם
בַּמַּחֲזֶה לֵאמֹר אַל־תִּירָא אַבְרָם אָנֹכִי מָגֵן לָךְ שְׂכָרְךָ הַרְבֵּה
מְאֹד׃
וַיֹּאמֶר אַבְרָם אֲדֹנָי יֱהֹוִה מַה־תִּתֶּן־לִי וְאָנֹכִי הוֹלֵךְ
עֲרִירִי וּבֶן־מֶשֶׁק בֵּיתִי הוּא דַּמֶּשֶׂק אֱלִיעֶזֶר׃
וַיֹּאמֶר אַבְרָם הֵן לִי לֹא נָתַתָּה זָרַע וְהִנֵּה בֶן־בֵּיתִי
יוֹרֵשׁ אֹתִי׃
וְהִנֵּה דְבַר־יְהֹוָה אֵלָיו לֵאמֹר לֹא יִירָשְׁךָ זֶה כִּי־אִם אֲשֶׁר
יֵצֵא מִמֵּעֶיךָ הוּא יִירָשֶׁךָ׃
Some time later, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision. He said,
"Fear not, Abram,
I am a shield to you;
Your reward shall be very great."
But Abram said, “O Lord GOD, what can You give me, seeing that I shall
die childless, and the one in charge of my household is Dammesek Eliezer!”
Abram said further, “Since You have granted me no offspring, my steward
will be my heir.”
The word of the LORD came to him in reply, “That one shall not be your heir; none but
your very own issue shall be your heir.”
This is the only place where the Torah actually names Eliezer, Avraham's
loyal servant. Even here, the language is cryptic – what should be key facts are
unclear. Does 'Dammesek Eliezer' mean he is from Damascus? Not necessarily – Rashi cites a midrash that this is because he
helped Avraham pursue his enemies as far as Damascus. Radak and Shadal speculate that Dammesek was his birth name,
and Eliezer the Hebrew name which Avraham gave him. Chizkuni uses this phrase to place Eliezer as a
grandson of Nimrod.
Whatever his origins, Chazal hold Eliezer in
high esteem. As Rashi also points out, the Gemara in Yoma 28b places Eliezer alongside the Avot as a ‘zaken’
– an Elder – sitting in the beit midrash. Notably, here he is the only other
person described in this way. Chazal explains 'Dammesek Eliezer' to mean ‘doleh’
and and ‘mashke’ - drawing and giving drink to others from his master's
Torah. So, Eliezer was both Avraham’s student and a teacher helping to spread
the Torah on Avraham’s behalf.
Eliezer as Heir
Let’s go back to our first source in Lech Lecha. Eliezer is not present
– Avraham is talking about him in a prophetic encounter with G-d. Timing-wise,
the Torah presents this just after the 'Battle of the Five Kings' where Avraham
has rescued his estranged nephew Lot, been acknowledged as a respected local
leader and servant of G-d, and may have received the 'baton' of priesthood from
Malchitzedek aka Shem (see here).
Avraham's big worry here is that he is still childless, despite G-d's
promises to 'make him a nation'. He protests that Eliezer - a trusted servant,
but not a blood relative - will be his heir. This is not a simple inheritance
question - bear in mind what the Torah has taught us so far both about Enoch's
short-lived leadership (see here) and Terach's angst about his family line
continuing (see here). Avraham may well be worried that his life's
work - bringing others closer to G-d and carrying on his ancestral role – will
fail if he is succeeded by a disciple outside his own family line.
G-d promises that Avraham's own child succeed him. Avraham is reassured.
But for Eliezer, surely this is a blow. As heir to both Avraham's material
wealth and spiritual leadership, Eliezer has much to lose if Avraham has a
child. However, as he is 'offstage' during this exchange, we have no idea what
he thinks (or even knows).
Eliezer’s Mission(s)
In time, Avraham fathers Ishmael, then Yitzhak. Each son pushes Eliezer
further away from his original role as heir. Then we reach the events of Chayei
Sarah. Avraham's final mission is to find Yitzhak a wife. Once again, history
hangs in the balance. If Yitzhak doesn’t find the right wife, there will
be no third generation to carry on Avraham’s mission.
Enter Eliezer. Throughout this episode, he is nameless - referred to
only as 'ish' or 'aved'. It is tradition that tells us this
‘senior servant’ is the same Eliezer referred to in Lech Lecha.
Avraham makes Eliezer swear a two-fold oath – not to take a Canaanite
wife for Yitzhak, and to look for a match in Avraham’s hometown/with his family.
Before swearing, Eliezer raises a question – what if the bride he finds for
Yitzhak will not travel back to Eretz Yisrael? Is Yitzhak to leave Eretz
Yisrael? Or is Eliezer released from any part of his oath?
Famously, the Torah gives us two versions of Eliezer's matchmaking
mission - one in 'real time', the other in Eliezer's retelling to Lavan's
family. This includes Eliezer’s conversation with Avraham:
Version 1 - Bereishit 24:2-6
וַיֹּאמֶר אַבְרָהָם אֶל־עַבְדּוֹ זְקַן בֵּיתוֹ הַמֹּשֵׁל
בְּכׇל־אֲשֶׁר־לוֹ שִׂים־נָא יָדְךָ תַּחַת יְרֵכִי׃
וְאַשְׁבִּיעֲךָ בַּיהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵי הַשָּׁמַיִם וֵאלֹהֵי הָאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר
לֹא־תִקַּח אִשָּׁה לִבְנִי מִבְּנוֹת הַכְּנַעֲנִי אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי יוֹשֵׁב
בְּקִרְבּוֹ׃
כִּי אֶל־אַרְצִי וְאֶל־מוֹלַדְתִּי תֵּלֵךְ וְלָקַחְתָּ אִשָּׁה לִבְנִי
לְיִצְחָק׃
וַיֹּאמֶר אֵלָיו הָעֶבֶד אוּלַי לֹא־תֹאבֶה הָאִשָּׁה לָלֶכֶת אַחֲרַי
אֶל־הָאָרֶץ הַזֹּאת הֶהָשֵׁב אָשִׁיב
אֶת־בִּנְךָ אֶל־הָאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר־יָצָאתָ מִשָּׁם׃
וַיֹּאמֶר אֵלָיו אַבְרָהָם הִשָּׁמֶר לְךָ פֶּן־תָּשִׁיב אֶת־בְּנִי
שָׁמָּה׃
יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵי הַשָּׁמַיִם אֲשֶׁר לְקָחַנִי מִבֵּית אָבִי וּמֵאֶרֶץ
מוֹלַדְתִּי וַאֲשֶׁר דִּבֶּר־לִי וַאֲשֶׁר נִשְׁבַּע־לִי לֵאמֹר לְזַרְעֲךָ
אֶתֵּן אֶת־הָאָרֶץ הַזֹּאת הוּא יִשְׁלַח מַלְאָכוֹ לְפָנֶיךָ וְלָקַחְתָּ
אִשָּׁה לִבְנִי מִשָּׁם׃
וְאִם־לֹא תֹאבֶה הָאִשָּׁה לָלֶכֶת אַחֲרֶיךָ וְנִקִּיתָ מִשְּׁבֻעָתִי
זֹאת רַק אֶת־בְּנִי לֹא תָשֵׁב שָׁמָּה׃
“And Abraham said to the senior servant of his household, who had charge
of all that he owned, “Put your hand under my thigh, and I will make you swear
by the LORD, the God
of heaven and the God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son
from the daughters of the Canaanites among whom I dwell, but will go to the
land of my birth and get a wife for my son Isaac.”
And the servant said to him, “What if the woman does not consent to
follow me to this land, shall I then take your son back to the land from
which you came?”
Abraham answered him, “On no account must you take my son back there! The
LORD, the God
of heaven, who took me from my father’s house and from my native land, who
promised me on oath, saying, ‘I will assign this land to your offspring’—He
will send His angel before you, and you will get a wife for my son from there.
And if the woman does not consent to follow you, you shall then be clear of
this oath to me; but do not take my son back there.”
Version 2 - Bereishit 24:37-40
וַיַּשְׁבִּעֵנִי אֲדֹנִי לֵאמֹר לֹא־תִקַּח אִשָּׁה לִבְנִי מִבְּנוֹת
הַכְּנַעֲנִי אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי יֹשֵׁב בְּאַרְצוֹ׃
אִם־לֹא אֶל־בֵּית־אָבִי תֵּלֵךְ וְאֶל־מִשְׁפַּחְתִּי וְלָקַחְתָּ אִשָּׁה
לִבְנִי׃
וָאֹמַר אֶל־אֲדֹנִי אֻלַי לֹא־תֵלֵךְ הָאִשָּׁה אַחֲרָי׃
וַיֹּאמֶר אֵלָי יְהֹוָה אֲשֶׁר־הִתְהַלַּכְתִּי לְפָנָיו יִשְׁלַח
מַלְאָכוֹ אִתָּךְ וְהִצְלִיחַ דַּרְכֶּךָ וְלָקַחְתָּ אִשָּׁה לִבְנִי
מִמִּשְׁפַּחְתִּי וּמִבֵּית אָבִי׃
“Now my master made me swear, saying, ‘You shall not get a wife for my
son from the daughters of the Canaanites in whose land I dwell; but you shall
go to my father’s house, to my kindred, and get a wife for my son.’
And I said to my master, ‘What if the woman does not follow me?’
He replied to me, ‘The LORD, whose ways I have followed, will send His angel with you and make your
errand successful; and you will get a wife for my son from my kindred, from my
father’s house.”
Much
commentary is spun out from the word אוּלַי or אֻלַי – ‘what if’
– in the bolded lines above. In the second version, this word is spelt without
a vav – making it a homonym for אֵלַי, ‘to me’. Rashi, bringing a midrash from Bereishit Rabba 59:9, comments on this that
Eliezer wanted a shidduch between his own daughter and Yitzhak. He
therefore wanted to scupper the entire mission so that Yitzhak would end up
coming ‘to me’ i.e. into his own family.
Other commentators expand on Rashi’s comment and the אֵלַי parallel, including why this only comes up in Eliezer’s retelling. Chizkuni suggests that Eliezer just used this as a
negotiating tactic with Rivka’s family, hinting that Eliezer’s own daughter was
a rival to encourage the Rivka-Yitzhak match.[ii] On
the other hand, the Zera Shimshon (remember him?) has an elaborate explanation, based on
protocols for engagement meals and bridal gifts, where Eliezer tries to trick
Lavan’s family into believing he has betrothed Rivka for himself, as a servant,
so that they reject the match.[iii]
However, regardless of the incentive for Eliezer to marry off his own daughter
instead, something about the Zera Shimshon’s approach doesn’t ring true.
A more psychologically plausible explanation
is attributed to the Kotzker Rebbe (c. 1787 – 1859).[iv] The Torah only uses the אֻלַי spelling in Eliezer’s retelling because it is only now, after Rivka has
been revealed as Yitzhak’s intended, that Eliezer reflects and realises his
subconscious motivation for questioning Avraham. At the time, Eliezer thought
he was being sincere and didn’t recognise the subtext to his own question –
that what he really wanted was a way out which let him marry off his daughter
to Yitzhak.
This is a far more human Eliezer than the ‘Machiavelli’
of the Zera Shimshon’s commentary. Importantly, the Kotzker’s Eliezer also
resonates with parts of our community, right up until the present day.
Does Eliezer walk amongst us?
Yes. But only if we open our ears and eyes.
Every Yom Tov, as part of their ‘bumper issue’
Mishpacha magazine publishes a set of standalone short stories. Called ‘Calligraphy’,
this collection is a cut above the standard ‘frum magazine serial’ –
there is some genuinely good, and (Chareidi) boundary-pushing writing going on
here.
Last Sukkot 5783 (a world away by now),
Calligraphy featured a story by Rochel Somet about an
older giyoret, Rus Yaffa, who longs for a Jewish family of her own. Trying
to keep a relationship with the birth family she left behind while integrating
into her husband’s family, Rus Yaffa feels the pain of not having her own descendants
follow in her footsteps. While she sees signs of hope in a granddaughter, by
the end she is reconciled to stepping back and letting things take their course
without pressuring her birth family.[v]
Every convert’s experience is different, and
this story was an eye-opener even to me. Then, in online communities for gerim
and those still ‘in the process’, I saw the same thing in real life. Older members
sharing their grief and worries over losing ties with much-loved children and
grandchildren. Or mourning the Jewish family they never had, because they converted
too late in life to have children with a Jewish spouse.
While Rus Yaffa is fictional, her pain is very
real. The pain of joining such a family-orientated people - where passing our
values and beliefs to the next generation is fundamental – and yet being unable
to give this gift to one’s own family. Despite Eliezer’s key role in founding
what would become the Jewish nation, perhaps we can also feel his pain at his
own descendants not being part of this legacy.
What can Eliezer teach us?
Firstly, values. Avraham’s instructions to Eliezer
on a suitable bride for Yitzhak only seem to cover geography and family. Don’t choose
a Canaanite. Go to my homeland where my family lives. Make sure Yitzhak doesn’t
leave Eretz Yisrael.
Eliezer’s test – waiting at the well to see
who would bring him and his camels water – was of his own choosing. When Rivka
showed up, he recognised her as passing that test even before knowing her name
and family. What does this tell us? That, for Eliezer, the key trait for Yitzhak’s
wife and the mother of Avraham’s grandchildren was kindness to strangers, the
vulnerable ‘other’.
Secondly, uncertainty. Children are precious,
both for their own sakes and for the continuation that they represent. But that
continuity cannot be taken for granted. Our short story is a poignant example of a
parent who left behind her children to follow a new ‘derech’ – but there are many
different situations with the same underlying message. Some grapple with childlessness.
Others – lo aleinu – are blessed with children only to
lose them again. Still others grapple with the challenge of children who, for
whatever reason, end up on a very different path to that their parents imagined
for them. In all cases, we cannot take for granted that our legacy will be
continued by our children.
Lastly, hope. Eliezer may have missed out on
being physically part of our Jewish heritage. Yet he does have an important
role – both in ensuring Yitzhak’s marriage to Rivka, and according to Chazal as
a teacher and spreader of Torah. There is even a Midrashic tradition that Eliezer
was one of the few tzaddikim who entered Gan Eden alive[vi].
Eliezer did not choose his origins or the ‘hand’
that was dealt him regarding family. Yet he made the most of the opportunities
he did have to influence others and play a role in history. Eliezer’s legacy is
the mark he left on others’ lives – and is all the more powerful for that.
Shavua tov
RPT
[i] Tbh, if you
grew up learning Chumash with Rashi you probably knew this bit. I grew up with
the ‘Hertz Chumash’ (big on anti-Biblical Criticism and the Code of Hammurabi),
so this was news to me.
[ii] Radak, on the other hand, throws cold water on the
very idea that any meaning can be found from this difference in Eliezer’s
retelling (or any other differences). Oh well.
[iii] I’m not being entirely fair to the Zera Shimshon here – from reading
around his other essays, his take on Eliezer fits into a wider ‘commentary arc’
about Eliezer’s journey from slave to free Jew, and other issues around how
much of halacha the Avot kept. Worth a fuller look.
[iv] See the Artscroll/Stone Chumash on this verse. It’s worth noting that, in
direct contrast to the Zera Shimshon, the Kotzker Rebbe left no published works
and apparently burnt all his manuscripts before he passed away. I’m sure he had
his reasons, but this does make accurate source citation a headache.
[v] The author did her research – not only does she capture the ‘ei’
confusion over Yiddish words (shey-tal vs shy-tal in my case), she also
showcases a ger’s view on being stuck on a platform as the ‘token
inspirational figure’ against their will.
Asked to address a local girl’s school ahead
of Rosh Hashanah, Rus Yaffa prepares a traditional dvar Torah only to
realise that she was expected to share her own – deeply personal and painful –
life story with an audience of strangers for their own gratification. The story
shows her emotional reactions – from naïve confusion to embarrassment and
humiliation.
This is absolutely not a dig at gerim
who volunteer for these presentations – but there’s a huge difference between deliberately
using your life story to inspire others and being expected to ‘spill the beans’
at the drop of a hat. Especially over the Shabbat table. Thank you to the
author and Mishpacha for calling it out – hopefully it made their readers think
twice!
[vi] See, for
example, in Derekh
Eretz Zuta.
